Nutty 'Nanas

bananas. they're good. however, they are mentally unstable and easily disturbed, as illustrated by this (rather distressing) case. Mental illness in bananas is a serious issue in todays world.

A Story in the First Person

One day I was just being picky to annoy Judy.
No change there then.
So, it was just a typical day in the world of Zobe-Bob, and I looked out of the window at the street below.
What did I see there?
Go on, guess...
No, not a yellow submarine, guess again.
Oh, go on, please...
Yes you do want to guess.
Because it's fun!
Please...
No, I'm not going to tell you.
Oh, alright then.
I saw...
...
(drum roll)
...

a large pink trifle

I did...honest!!
It was wibbly and wobbly and a small dog was looking at it with a strange expression on its face .
The kind of expression dogs usually reserve for lampposts.
Don't think about it too much.

Senseing danger, I leapt (in a superhero fashion) from my bed and out of the window.
Unfortunately , I had forgotten that I live on the fourth floor of a block of flats. I had also forgotten to open the window.
It was a good job I had put on my rubber jump suit that day.
I hit the street and bounced.
To my dismay, having bounced of several phone boxes I landed in the trifle.
As the pink goo engulfed me I saw the small dog walk towards me, that strange expression still on it's face.
You can see where this is going, can't you...
I will spare you the details, suffice to say that when I managed to remove myself from the trifle I was very much in need of a shower.
A lack of forward planning meant that when I had exited my residence I had neglected to pick up my front door key.
Ah.
I decided therefore to head to the local swimming baths.

On a side issue, have you ever jumped into a trifle wearing a rubber jump suit? No? Well, lucky you. A strange reaction occurs (probably involving bacon - most things do), the end result of which is the slow decay of the rubber.

By the time I reached the swimming baths I was almost entirely naked.

For anyone planning to make a film of this story (it's surely going to happen) it is worth noting that I have extremely long hair. Therefore, no full nudity shots are required (think Catherine Zeta Jones in Zorro).

10 minutes into my pleasant, refreshing swim I became aware that there were rather fewer people around than usual, and rather more seahorses. And jellyfish. And sharks.
A question slowly entered my mind...
Why had I come swimming at the National Sealife Centre?

After a few moments of contemplation I decided that my more immediate concern was to remove myself from the pirahna tank. Preferably with all my extremities in tact.
I remembered some good advice given to me by my mother:
"Your flower arrangement will stay fresh much longer if you cut the stalks diagonally, rather than straight across."
Not particularly relevant, but always good to know.

I harpooned the fish with my trusty harpoonerer and doggy paddled to the surface.
I climbed out of the tank and continued on my merry way.

And then I had a jam doughnut for breakfast.